When I was 20, a pretty girl used to stare at me.
I used to pass by this little house everyday. The windows used to be facing the street. Curtains always drawn. Not much light inside. But Through the cracks, a few feet away from the window, I could see her pretty face staring at me.
Of course, i couldn’t stop and peek through the window.
I was attracted to her too. Why was she staring at me? The first thought that came to my mind was to check if anything was wrong with my clothes or hair. Or maybe because I wasn’t that good looking.
But then she had a light smile on her face. Maybe, just maybe.. She liked me? Should I go and meet her? But what if she rejects me?
I obsessed for days. What was she thinking? Why was she staring? Was it in a good or a bad way?
Finally when the suspense exceeded my fear, i mustered the courage to ring her door bell.
A man in his 40s , wearing a worn out vest and a lungi opened the door. His eyes looked groggy. Curtains Through the darkness, I could make out the outlines of 4 other men sleeping on the floor.
Maybe they were laborers who worked at night, and slept during the day.
Where was she? Did she live with them? Was she kidnapped by them?!
Then I saw her! hey pretty face hung on the wall. Her photo! It was a poster! The sunlight making its way through the drawn curtains and hitting her face.
I had been fantasizing about a photo!
We don’t experience what others think. We only experience our own thoughts about what others think.
Even if they tell you their thoughts in words, what you will experience is your own thoughts about their words. Imagine a teacher yelling at 3 students. Will reach student have a different experience? Maybe one will feel shattered, another will smile mischievously!
What you have been worried of, attracted by, enamoured by are nothing but your own thoughts.
I am not saying those thoughts are false. I am saying they are just thoughts. Unreal. Illusory. In your head.
Like a dream. You might dream that grass is green, or elephants flying.
One is true. The other is false. But both are dreams. Unreal. Illusory. They both feel extremely real. But they are not. You might prefer one over the other. But anyway, they are just dreams!
Will you worry too much about either?
The more you try NOT to think of a pink camel, your mind will think of it. If you try to resist thoughts, they will persist
The answer is to see their illusory nature. Whether you dream of your crush, or having an accident, they are just dreams. Whether you think others think good or bad about you, they are just thoughts.
Then even if you get too many thoughts, you are not afraid. You don’t need to resist. In fact the resistance might compound the thoughts!
And as the resistance drops, the thoughts pass, and dissolve. By themselves.
Don’t try to “come out”. Simply see the nature of what you are so scared and trying to run away from! 😊😊😊