The compulsion to control

I have been very sick for past two days. And had to ask my wife to oversee some service installation job at home, so I could rest, sleep. She agreed. 

But as the service guy rattled away with his tools in the other room , I lay on my bed worrying incessantly if this would be done, that question would be asked and a dozen other things. I was still tied to that job! 
That’s when insights flooded in. I have always struggled with ‘control’ and have to work on it consciously. Part of it comes from my strengths: Structure, clarity. 
I can visualize the EXACT outcome I want in a few seconds…followed by the EXACT steps needed to achieve the outcome. I can create structure out of chaos, provide clear steps and track it. Good for a manager. 
Not so good for a leader. Due to the fear that if I deviate even a little from those steps, the outcome might be at risk. That’s when clarity can become a constraint. Where I am delegating only tasks, not problems. 
I suddenly realized that giving autonomy is only one half. The more important half is to quit worrying about it…. And that my strengths can also be a function of my weaknesses 🙂

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