There are some people who can connect in a fantastic way with others or a crowd. Some connect in a flamboyant way using a lot of movement, hand gestures and stories.
Some have an intense style, others have a funny style. Some have an intellectual style, sophisticated style, simple, erratic, loud, refined, aggressive or soft style.
Humans learn by imitating. So we identify speakers who connect and try to imitate their style.
And that’s when the problem begins. When it comes to connection, imitation does not work.
You might be impressed by the flamboyant speaker. And try to work on your flamboyance.
We forget that the flamboyant speaker would pathetically fail if he used an intense style.
The intense speaker would fail if he used a funny style. Imagine Churchill trying to tell jokes.
The question is not “Which style works best?”. The question is “What is your style?”
And can you openly, totally, unabashedly work on it?
The connection is fostered by your complete, authentic presence. And presence is contaminated by our fears which make us try to be someone else.
Some people connect with a turkey. Some people connect with a peacock.
The problem is when the turkey tries to be a peacock. Or vice versa.